Our representation of thoughts has made it clear that we are our habits, and that there is no stable “self”. No thought we’ve had was ever our own. We are what we persistently do.
Life begins and…
We’re born and brought up by our caretakers who have their own beliefs. We grow up eating their food and go to the places they go. Soon enough we’re doing things that they’ve taught us.
When do we become our “own” person?
Our behavior, while we grow up, is learned through reinforcement by our parents. We know right and wrong through the lens of them; that is our world while we grow up. Their discipline is what shapes our direction and allows us to make decisions for ourselves. Our experiences, both good and bad, start to deeply start to affect us as we progress through puberty and adolescence. The first learning experiences are always impactful. Our parents affect their children's cognitive development more than they give themselves credit for. Anecdotally, most people who have been in educational settings with young kids have seen how differently kids act relative to each other. The complexity of our upbringing impacts us in ways we don't imagine.
As humans, we develop in stages. And so our understanding of life and ourselves drastically differs as we come across experiences that shape us. Although many things might be forgettable, conversely many are memorable and leave a mark on us.
After our parents and home life, we start to get shaped by our environment. As children, we interact with more than just our immediate family. We’re exposed to different kids who talk and act differently. We learn the rules of power structures in society through school and the community. We begin to get regulated in these structures for the benefit of convenience. There are expectations and roles that everyone fills once they find themselves a part of society.
Oftentimes I find myself going back and assessing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who created the diagram to illustrate his theory on how we could fulfill our instinctive needs as we progressed in our place in society.
Maslow considered that not everyone would reach self-actualization. He believed that the highest form of self-fulfillment would only come after our more basic needs were met.
Many of us have our basic needs met; our physiological and safety needs. After those primitive needs are met, we are able to have the time and resources to connect with others(belongingness and love needs). After this level, comes esteem needs which Maslow classified into two categories. (1) Esteem for oneself, which involves independence, and (2) desire for reputation, or respect from others. Many adults will have one or both as they start to work and set attainable goals for themselves.
The highest level refers to the fullest potential that one could reach through personal growth and peak experiences. One must be open-minded to the extent where they're so vulnerable with themselves to really go after their desired dreams. Many people will have different goals for themselves as this state of being is subjective.
Maslow also mentions that some individuals might find some of the needs to be more or less important than the others based on individual values.
How many people go after their potential?
Many people are emotionally stuck at a young age. Adults can reason well as grown-ups but some lack emotional maturity. This has many underlying causes but oftentimes people who are unaware of their issues overlook these difficulties and get stuck in life with personal development and other intimate concerns.
As mentioned before, our development during our childhood sets us up for our future. Through hardships and trauma, we might get stuck at certain developmental stages but this doesn't mean we won't overcome them. When this happens we aren't able to assess situations as clearly and might make faulty decisions based on just emotion alone.
How do we resolve our past issues to help us grow?
Therapy and Self-introspection
Healing trauma wounds is essential to growing. Forgiving the people from the past who stunted your growth deserve forgiveness. Many people are stuck in an endless cycle of resentment and they're not able to grow into their true selves until they can let go of the negativity that's been holding them back. The fear of the unknown has limited people from going forward in life.
Changing perspectives is hard. It takes open-mindedness and a willingness to learn more about other people’s struggles. Empathy plays another large role in understanding our place in other people’s lives and how we can connect deeper with others.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what culture we’re from, we're all humans and have the same needs and wants.
How is our personality determined?
Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist suggested that as humans we always have knowledge that is always passed down to us from our ancestors. He calls them archetypes and claimed that they are the same way we inherent instinctual patterns of behaviors.
According to Jung, there were three components of the human psyche which affect our lives both unconsciously and consciously. The ego, unconscious, and the collective unconscious.
To summarize, he believed that these archetypes played a role in personality. He believed everyone's archetype depended on the culture and individual experiences. Because he knew we all had ancestors and were capable of carrying their DNA, he believed that all information and experiences that humans share come from a collective scope of knowledge.
There were four main archetypes:
- The Anima/Animus- the female in male psyche/male in the female psyche. The anima/animus represents the “true self”. Opposite of the Persona.
- The Shadow- our life/primal instincts as part of the unconscious mind. Repressed ideas, desires, and instincts are all a part of the unconscious mind. Although it's inhibited, it still affects our life indirectly.
- The Persona- how we show ourselves to the world, the “mask” that we have on. Hiding the things that we want to hide.
- The Self- the unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. Various aspects of the personality are integrated.
Although Jung’s archetypes aren't well known or studied, they provide a good philosophical and spiritual insight as to how we are, what we do, and how there is no such thing as being a blank slate.
So how do habits affect our decisions?
We are individuals with experiences and a past. Our culture and society might shape our mentality and guide us significantly. We are indirectly embodiments of what we’ve done and what we continue doing. We consistently change our minds as we get new information about the world and cater to our needs accordingly. Every part of our life requests us to act based on what we think is right. We do what we know.
How do we become aware of our actions?
Like with most things; self-introspection, therapy, and self-awareness will help us as individuals to get closer to who we are, our triggers, and our inner world. If we work to understand ourselves, we can work towards self-actualization to reach our fullest potential.
